Back again...

Well my year wound up getting more interesting...

I went in for the surgery on my shoulder in October. Oh what fun...I had done Personal Torture and that helped a little but nowhere near enough.

I had some bone spurs that needed to be sanded down/planed off. Just a lovely as it sounds, put that helped a ton just to start. The next thing they found was that the labrum was torn...but the rotator cuff was fine. Thank the Gods, cuz that woulda be 4-6 months of healing...

Looks like their using swords and chopsticks doesn't it? I had three holes in the front of the shoulder and one in the back...
It's DAY surgery too! I was sent home wrapped up like a mummy with an electric ice chest, horsepills of ibuprofen and oxy's. Don't remember much of the first couple of days...wonder why?
I also had a catheter that was pumping pain meds right into the joint...arm? what arm? The REAL fun came when Ernie had to pull it out...I figured a couple of inches...God Damned Thing felt like it was a mile long! I almost blacked out from the pain, which is saying alot for me. It was like a foot long in actuality. Wished I had kept it...noone would believe it...

So I have my arm in a sling for a couple of days, living on Oxy's and Ibuprofen with my little ice chest. AND I'm sleeping in Orange Chair, which is an Orange Velvet-ish LazyBoy recliner...You can't sleep on your back or anything else, but being in the Orange Chair was a great help. Ernie was doing all the cooking.

A couple of weeks in, I can use my arm a tiny bit, but still sleep with the sling on. It's quite an adventure to do stuff with your other hand, but I did okay.

It's a weekend and I'm hearing some scurrying sounds...hmm. What could it be? I see a little grey critter run out from behind the fish tank. It's not a mouse or a rat...It's a vole...too cute. BUT if Ernie sees him, all Hell's gonna break loose. So I watch to see where it goes. Under the fish tank, under Orange chair and into the dining room and back...okay. I can do this! I grab the fish net and I scoop up the little mofo. I have him in the net and have his tail. Ernie's like what the hell are you doing?
Umm Catching a vole? Can you open the door so I can toss him out?
Out he goes to do vole stuff.

Next night I hear screaming about a mouse being in Mike's room. Mike's the biggest fucking sissy EVAH!!! Dear Gods, you'd think that he's being raped by Freddie Kreuger...So I grab the fish net again. I'm going up the stairs, vole's trying to get down the stairs. Scoop and tail and out he goes... jeeze...
Isn't he cute? Vicious looking isn't he? pfft.

So now it's time for me to do the Post Op Personal Torture. I have a date all nice and set up. The night before which is a Wed, I wasn't feeling to spiffy. I felt like my head was a volcano that was going to erupt. It was a wierd sensation...My heart would start thumping and then the volcano thing. And I was just sitting...so I went to bed in Orange Chair early...

Next morning, I feel okay...sitting at the puter trying to work on my 2010 NaNo. I figured I should just change my PT appointment and called the office.

That was a good thing too...because more fun was on the way.

I stood up, I think, to get another cup of coffee or do something...next thing I know I'm on the floor flopping around like a Magikarp.

My head is smashing against the table. Very glad I didn't break it. The table, not my head...
I can't get up! I can't move except for Flail Attack. What the Hell am I gonna do?! As far as I know Obelisk can't dial the phone, neither can Boogie or the fish...
Everything's going black...Oh fuck Oh shit what can I do? I'm still trying to get up...it ain't gonna happen.
Next thing I know, some guy is yelling in my ear "Get Up Stupid!" I still can't but the next thing I remember I'm back in my chair. Remember there's only me and the critters...there's no one else in the house and I don't recognize the voice.

I immediately call Ernie at work and tell him to get his ass the hell home like Yesterday!!!

He gets home about an hour later...I'm in Orange Chair, scared shitless...I got Obelisk back on the porch. Poor bird was all freaked out...prolly pissed that she didn't get to eat my eyeballs.

He carts me over to South Shore...I sit in a wheelchair and wait for him to park...Then we go in. I don't remember tons of stuff, like why the hell I'm there...my meds, how to spell my last name...I start to go down again...I get shoved into a wheel chair. Ernie's booking me in...the check in nurse was a holier than thou born again Cunt! Sorry but she WAS...She asked religion, not that I haven't been there before and I'm prolly one of the only of my ilk that darken their doors. Ernie answered, Witch or Wiccan or Pagan. Like a good doobie...She looks at him and says, "Well, maybe THAT's her problem."
What a fucking unprofessional thing to say! Glad I didn't hear this til later or I woulda ripped her a new asshole.

I get ECG'd and O2 and 2 IV's. They couldn't get one in the left so a Scituate paramedic did it. But they were able to get one in the right. At least it takes a shorter time for me to head off to Brigham and Womens...pfft. It's now like 2 in the after. Mike's gonna be home from school soon. So Ernie has to go. We'll meet up at B&W.

I have IV's and pads and all the other shit...jeeze. At least my O2's fine so I don't have to deal with that too...More ECG's...but no more of the volcano things...thank the Gods.

I don't remember most of the day to tellya the truth...About 5 Ernie and Mike come back, but I ain't there. I've been sent to the bowels of the place because I'm gonna have a pacemaker put in...but not JUST a pacemaker, a defibrillator pacemaker...It's about the size of my cellphone...Gods know I DID sign the paper...I remember listening to them all talking about it.

And they had to shave me again, just in case they needed to do an ablation/cath while they were there...

Unfortunately, my heart was in the right place, which in this case is the left side...where I just had surgery on my FRIGGIN SHOULDER!!! Just fucking ducky!!

Talk about Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am! I was duly processed, transported, and implanted within just a few hours...

I was back in Shapiro with the good eats and hotel room...different side this time. The next day I was gotten up and shuffled down the hall. I did okay...friggin sore though. Had a humungous bandage and IV's, but I could at least pee in the bathroom.

Landzberg the Bach doctor came by and talked to me about the valve replacement again...ick.
A bunch of interns and n00bs too...I feel like the last of my kind...

But at least everything's working okay, thank the Gods. And whomever got me back off the floor. I do rather appreciate not being carpet jerky for Mike to find...

My motto for the year is "Not goin' to Heaven in 2011".